Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's top entertainers used their broadcast ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday jingle targeting the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys everything he handles."

The focus was the new program that allows foreign nationals to acquire U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" option for five million. The program's portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to affluent applicants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, involving hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.